On couch-surfing, en famille...

y'know, this into-my-30s student thing resulted in a lot of travel, and a lot of generosity from family, friends and...strangers. and now that we're in this strange bridge place (no job for either of us, but a job for one of us in august) we decided to come home for a bit. $-wise kind of necessary (rent's not really in the budget), but it's still a lot of work, and not free.

i think what i've learned in the last 2 weeks is that couch-surfing, en famille, is about 3 times as complicated as couch surfing as a single person. makes sense, since the family involves 3 people, but it's more than i anticipated. it's a lot of planning, and keeping people sane, and i'm only now coming into an awareness of what our collective impact really is. as nice as it is to be with friends & family...maybe next time we should shoot for an isolated tent in the woods.

as far as suggestions are concerned, this is what i've gleaned:

1) keep routines (naps, bedtimes, any rituals). we've kept the first 2 but the 4-hour jetlag threw a wrench in the works and we ended up with a very stressed, and somewhat skinnier, 3 y.o. i think if we had more "family rituals" that would have helped with structure too.

2) keep activities minimal. i.e. don't bite off more than you can chew. i'm really good at biting off more than i can chew, when i do it for my family it's a disaster. anyhow, common sense would be not to plan to visit with more than one person/ day. which is really hard when you're in the city for a limited amount of time and there are sooooooooo many good folks to visit.

3) streamline your shit. i pretty much suck at this generally but planning a trip while also packing up all our belongings made this even harder for me. i'm trying to cut myself some slack but i'm also plotting asking d to pack next time. his stuff, including expedition equipment, takes up a bag and a half. my stuff? don't ask. and i packed diapers for sahid. he's potty-trained. yup, i don't get it either.

4) let stuff (things, plans, expectations) go. i think i did better than normal with this, but it's still hard for me.


i'm a planner, so living in the moment is always a challenge... the one thing i did do right is buy a box of malbec. you know what's great about boxed wine? 1) it's more ecological to ship and 2) you can drink a glass/night and not have to throw out wine that turned to vinegar. it's a lot more portable too.

home again.

this is the second year i've applied to jobs at home. and the second year i haven't been hired. on the one hand, i was conflicted about the jobs not being quite right for me (altho', practicality dictates that not factor into our familial decisions and i gave both applications my all). on the other, the prospect of being nearer friends-who-are-more-like-family and family-who-could-use more-help-from-offspring and the vision of working in a state that i _know_ and care so much about was very, very intoxicating.

each failed application makes me feel farther and farther from home.

when i came in from the airport saturday my eyes were unaccustomed. seriously, this city is an urban planning disaster. an archipelago of hotels in one gigantic parking lot? really? the squat buildings, the dirt, the orientation away from the amazing mountains framing the skyline...

i think maybe my eyes were defending my heart.

walking yesterday towards the mountains, knowing that beyond this city there is so much i understand and love i felt heartbroken. and maybe i'm staying the heartbreak by returning each time i do, reconnecting with friends, reacquainting myself with this place. i was sad because i realized that each time i return i know this place less, that my belonging is slipping from my grasp.

maybe, tritely, it's time to let go. or to bring the family home anyway, braving unemployment. i think for now i'll just let all the sadness, yearning and disappointment break over me, along with the joy of being here for almost three months, cradled by all that i love.