about to leave, and feeling sad about that.

a close friend counsels me to "go with high expectations and excitement."

i think there's some mid-30s syndrome (analogous to a mid-life crisis) that is characterized by dashed hopes and an uncomfortable meeting of reality and aspirations. i don't know if i'm supposed to wallow here where i am, or muster some optimism and pollyanna my circumstances.

(maybe i'm too harsh calling on pollyanna, a child. most of my malaise is borne of the humdrum of capitalism which i am pretty sure she wasn't taking on. still, why does it seem ever harder to find a happy medium between ideals and actuality?)

it's a job. we're leaving alaska monday. it's going to be really, really hot & humid.