cultural sensitivity 101

a perennial struggle of mine has made its way to the forefront.  it was a non-issue at my previous job since there was no pretense of accommodating anything other than white, english-only privilege (and i survived that job the best i could by laying low and generating change in the places where possible--i.e i was, for the most part, a coward).  i made my escape and the new job, thankfully, started with a retreat for folks in education.  awesome to work with an administration that recognizes the need for an induction that touches on the history of education in this area (cultural genocide and institutionalized racism) and then sets it up so that those that direct the workshop are indigenous leaders.  brilliant, right?

i loved the workshop.  loved networking, loved learning more about this area, loved sharing my experience and loved getting on my soapbox about how important this is, how when i grew up in alaska we didn't learn any of this and we should have and how present racism is here and how much work there is to do.  

but i suck at engaging with people who don't get it.  the people who ask annoying, clueless questions or get stuck focusing on cultural differences (i tried to write some examples but i can't, not without mocking).  i am a harsh judge of my peers who i perceive as slow to recognize the urgent need to engage with this, folks who still use phrases like "melting pot" in a positive way, folks blind to their own privilege.  folks who, if i'm being fair, are for the most part genuinely interested in the kids they work with and who are good folk.  i'm not talking about the out-and-out racists, or assholes, i'm just talking about people who are slow to get it.

and so i disengage from those people.  but i realized this week that i leave the work for someone else.  usually the same workshop leaders.  like they don't have enough to do already.  so i'm lazy.  but there's more to it: i'm disgusted in some way by these people.  i think, "why didn't they get this already?"  "how come they don't know their privilege?" "how can they ask these clueless, insulting questions?" 

i want to become better at this.  their questions were my questions, their privilege a reflection of my own, their racism is mine.  i feel bad that i had an opportunity this week and i missed it.

august 2012.

somehow it all worked out.

we're home, i have a permanent job and it's a perfect fit for us (well, the housing could be cheaper...)  i don't know how that happened but i'm super grateful.

it's been two months of crazy though, between 3 different urban areas, two photo assignments (yeah, not my usual thing, and i still haven't delivered the photos from my cousin's wedding MORE THAN A MONTH AGO!!)  lots of transition for the little guy who, being very social, loves to ask strangers "do you have a house?" and then reply with "well, we don't have a house. we live in a tent." followed by a whole lot more personal information that i secretly hope is unintelligible.

in the midst of all that crazy i'll catch myself, when we're out or i'm driving some amazing marine corridor, and think "fuck it's beautiful. we made it home. i can't believe how lucky we are."

about to leave, and feeling sad about that.

a close friend counsels me to "go with high expectations and excitement."

i think there's some mid-30s syndrome (analogous to a mid-life crisis) that is characterized by dashed hopes and an uncomfortable meeting of reality and aspirations. i don't know if i'm supposed to wallow here where i am, or muster some optimism and pollyanna my circumstances.

(maybe i'm too harsh calling on pollyanna, a child. most of my malaise is borne of the humdrum of capitalism which i am pretty sure she wasn't taking on. still, why does it seem ever harder to find a happy medium between ideals and actuality?)

it's a job. we're leaving alaska monday. it's going to be really, really hot & humid.

On couch-surfing, en famille...

y'know, this into-my-30s student thing resulted in a lot of travel, and a lot of generosity from family, friends and...strangers. and now that we're in this strange bridge place (no job for either of us, but a job for one of us in august) we decided to come home for a bit. $-wise kind of necessary (rent's not really in the budget), but it's still a lot of work, and not free.

i think what i've learned in the last 2 weeks is that couch-surfing, en famille, is about 3 times as complicated as couch surfing as a single person. makes sense, since the family involves 3 people, but it's more than i anticipated. it's a lot of planning, and keeping people sane, and i'm only now coming into an awareness of what our collective impact really is. as nice as it is to be with friends & family...maybe next time we should shoot for an isolated tent in the woods.

as far as suggestions are concerned, this is what i've gleaned:

1) keep routines (naps, bedtimes, any rituals). we've kept the first 2 but the 4-hour jetlag threw a wrench in the works and we ended up with a very stressed, and somewhat skinnier, 3 y.o. i think if we had more "family rituals" that would have helped with structure too.

2) keep activities minimal. i.e. don't bite off more than you can chew. i'm really good at biting off more than i can chew, when i do it for my family it's a disaster. anyhow, common sense would be not to plan to visit with more than one person/ day. which is really hard when you're in the city for a limited amount of time and there are sooooooooo many good folks to visit.

3) streamline your shit. i pretty much suck at this generally but planning a trip while also packing up all our belongings made this even harder for me. i'm trying to cut myself some slack but i'm also plotting asking d to pack next time. his stuff, including expedition equipment, takes up a bag and a half. my stuff? don't ask. and i packed diapers for sahid. he's potty-trained. yup, i don't get it either.

4) let stuff (things, plans, expectations) go. i think i did better than normal with this, but it's still hard for me.


i'm a planner, so living in the moment is always a challenge... the one thing i did do right is buy a box of malbec. you know what's great about boxed wine? 1) it's more ecological to ship and 2) you can drink a glass/night and not have to throw out wine that turned to vinegar. it's a lot more portable too.

home again.

this is the second year i've applied to jobs at home. and the second year i haven't been hired. on the one hand, i was conflicted about the jobs not being quite right for me (altho', practicality dictates that not factor into our familial decisions and i gave both applications my all). on the other, the prospect of being nearer friends-who-are-more-like-family and family-who-could-use more-help-from-offspring and the vision of working in a state that i _know_ and care so much about was very, very intoxicating.

each failed application makes me feel farther and farther from home.

when i came in from the airport saturday my eyes were unaccustomed. seriously, this city is an urban planning disaster. an archipelago of hotels in one gigantic parking lot? really? the squat buildings, the dirt, the orientation away from the amazing mountains framing the skyline...

i think maybe my eyes were defending my heart.

walking yesterday towards the mountains, knowing that beyond this city there is so much i understand and love i felt heartbroken. and maybe i'm staying the heartbreak by returning each time i do, reconnecting with friends, reacquainting myself with this place. i was sad because i realized that each time i return i know this place less, that my belonging is slipping from my grasp.

maybe, tritely, it's time to let go. or to bring the family home anyway, braving unemployment. i think for now i'll just let all the sadness, yearning and disappointment break over me, along with the joy of being here for almost three months, cradled by all that i love.

Can't put this on facebook, or complain about it elsewhere because I don't want to offend my friends but I really, really hate taking my kid to kid birthday parties. I can't wait until he's old enough to go by himself and I am so glad that we don't have to inflict kid birthday party hell on other people since my kid's birthday is near a major holiday.

http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2007/10/did-i-steal-my-daughter-tribulations-global-adoption?page=3

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2008-11-22-guatemala-adoption_N.htm

Autohotel los Cipreses

When we moved here, the residential complex came to 25% occupancy. A month ago, a new family arrived and last week we acquired new neighbors.

The same thing happened at the apartment building we lived in.

The management company at this complex is a little more desperate, however, because the house facing us appears to be an illicit love nest for an older man and his younger female paramour. They moved in 2 weeks ago but we've never seen a moving van and they only show up in the evening, and only stay 2 hours. They never come on weekends.

The only access to the complex is through an electric gate. Last night the electricity went out and the manual override has been disabled for security reasons. We watched them as they looked out, went out to their cars, started their cars, turned them off, waited, looked out, went to their cars, started their cars... Alas, to no avail.

We were happy laughing at their predicament and then the lights came back on. They scrambled to their respective vehicles and left post-haste, but with their headlights off. We'll see where they leave their cars when they return, and if they remember to bring a flashlight this time.